He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
