He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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