high people should be assigned attendants
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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