once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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