I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
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