Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
