maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
