i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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