Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
