The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
