we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
my poor anus
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
