So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
