I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
