Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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