Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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