And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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