if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
