I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
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His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
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this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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