Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
