Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
