i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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