I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
