Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
operation have a gay friend backfired
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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