i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
