i think my mom watched the whole time
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
