Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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