I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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