Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
