Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
