just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
