I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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