Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
