I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
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She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
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It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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