...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
