and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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