well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
