your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
