Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
