i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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