Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
