too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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