He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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