nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
