btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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