So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Someone came in the potted fern
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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