dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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