I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
