My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
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Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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