I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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