I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
