thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
