My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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