i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
