I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
