I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you didnt know i had herpes?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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