a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
