my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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