hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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