First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
