My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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