U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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