I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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