my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
