I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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