I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
